Honestly honest

I was watching a recorded episode of "Girlfriends" on tv yesterday and that was so powerful, i had to write about it. Here let me set the scene for you!
Joan and her boyfriend (Aaron) decided to tell each other about their past relationships and be honest about their exes.... I thought to myself, next level baby! Well the wahala of this is that what Joan did not know was a guy she had once played nookie with who was married (keith) just happened to be Aaron's friend.
Ok, so once introduced Joan and Keith pretended not to know each other, but then Keith's wifey invites them over for dinner! I'm thinking Gbese!!!!
Joan talks it over with her girlfriends and decides to shove this one back in the closet and not tell Aaron. She was gonna sit there and act like nothing happened but you know she couldn't....
As they drive there, she breaks down and confesses to her sins.... Ahhh you should have seen Aaron's face, all i kept thinking was it's over, O ti paa danu.... You don kill am!! But to my surprise, he says to her," we are not breaking up and tells her the three words she had longed to hear from him all this while.... " I don't think you are a bad person, infact one of the most honest people i know and that is why i love you"!!
I mean, i cried along with her, sitting there on my couch wishing that in my last relationship my ex, he had just had the guts to be honest with me!!
It would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain.... Why can't people just get the fact that nothing is hidden under the sun and you cannot hide for long.
I hate liars and when you lie to the one you claim to love, it is like peircing a knife through their heart. Finding out that you have been played hurrrrts like hell.
My ex thought it was ok to lie about the minutest thing and for someone as gullible as i was, i thought i was in love and trust.
Had Joan not told Aaron the truth, once he found out, because YOU KNOW HE WOULD HAVE, she would have been screwed.
I have serious trust issues right now and i know i need to let it go ... wooossssssssssaaaa!! Am trying.
I have let him know i forgive him and i hold nothing against him anymore but i still need to write out how i feel about honesty.
Really, if you plan on not being honest with someone you love, then forget it because everyone involved will be hurt on some degree cuz of your LIES. It might be hard but you will feel so much lighter the minute you let go of the bags of lies you are carrying around.

Late, late and crazy nights!!

So i work at night because of my school schedule. The hours are tough cuz our bodies are programmed sleep at night, and i love my job but na men, it is hard to stay awake sometimes!
A couple of weeks ago i was really tired and did not want to go to work but i had to, well i went in with lots of water, see i try not to drink coffee... maybe i should huh!
Everything was gravy till around 3a.m. I started to doze off and a call came thru from a guy who wanted to know how high my heels were, and i was thinking "what does this have to do with auto insurance ", we have rules so i was like - "i am not wearing heels sir"... then he further asks me- what size do you normally wear and still giving 'great customer service' i said - Normally 3-4" high, but in order to keep assisting you i need your policy number. " Well i don't have a policy but i was just trying to know what size you wear so as to determine how freaky you are in bed.
Ah ah enyin eyan egbami oo, so i said sir i can no longer continue this conversation with you, if there is nothing else i can help you with, have a great night, click.
I thought the freakishness of call was weird, so i told my coworkers and we all laughed about it.
Half an hour later, i get another call and i do my usual schpeel of -thanks for calling, can i have your policy number to assist you, lo and behold this guy comes on and says " hold on a minute i am getting off" Ok , like i said it's late so i did not catch on quick, like a mumu i stayed on the line and the next thing i hear is this guy making some sounds in my ear, (eeeewwwwhhh).
I didn't care about the rules i just disconnected the call kia kia, what disgusting people who have nothing better to do than to call an insurance company and act a fool!!
My supe was like don't worry girl, that happens sometimes but don't pay them no mind.... all the while i was thinking to myself " i no mind am, i just no fit fo for those guys the way i suppose, if na person wey call my house dey yarn rubbish, he for gba se kaki no be leather!!
I have no problem with freaks as long as they keeps their distance from me, jeez.... But you know i was awake and alert from then on...

Not sure what to call this one!!

You know when you end a relationship that meant something and you hurt for a long time and you hope the other person hurts as bad too!! I know thats wrong in every way but i have felt that way for a while....
Today, i found out that i what i had thought all along was wrong.... My crazy ex and his ex (before me), apparently got together a couple of months after we broke up right under my nose.... Uhh!!! How could he?
I am so mad right now, i can hardly put it into words, i know i need some kind of therapy for feeling like this but darnit, i am hurt and it reopens old wounds that i have been trying to heal for months.
True, i broke off the relationship but i was drowning in the web of craziness that was my ex and his family, once it was over i could breathe again.... It has been hard for me to open up about all the pain i feel inside....
I want to heal, i want to love again but i just feel stuck in a rut and i am trying my hardest to let go and i will get there... Amen!
I have been rejecting guys who want to go on dates cuz i have been too scared to open myself to the thought of such pain again! But then i can't find my prince if i don't open up! Who knows, maybe in all my silliness, i have lost him? I sure hope not!
I really want to be happy, i want to be love and feel loved ; i know that in order to love again i need to open myself to the possibililty of hurt again... i mean i must have gone nuts i think, i had run out of excuses... i sunk to a new low today, i got asked out and i flat out lied through my teeth, i mean, i couldn't even keep my story straight, i knew i was not believable.
But watching Oprah today coupled with scolding from friends, i have decided; this is the start of a new me, no more dwelling in the hurt of the past, instead i look forward to freeing myself first from my wahala... then who knows... i might have a love story to tell you guys someday!!
Phew!, that was deep.... I think i will call this blogi, "Letting Go"

My Valentine's days over the years...

My very first Val's day that i remember having an expectation for was in '99... i was expecting a card, i mean it was simple back then because i was still very young; it was all baby love and nothing more... but i got dumped that day!! My then boyfriend, dumped me right after our extra lesson class... for all my naijans y'all remember those lessons where we prepared for WAEC huh? and it was a mixture of students from all over town, well he attended a different school and when i met him i was all gaga cuz i love tall guys and brotha is tall ... anyhow sha, he dumped me for my friend from another school as well!
I will tell you, that was a while ago but knowing how many Val's days have come and gone since then, that was the most memorable and not because i got dumped but because that was all the action i got from a Feb 14 ever.... Down memory lane we go....
In 2000, i was still hurting from the year before so i was single and studying for my WAEC so i was not interested at all in anything but my books... you can say i was an iwe!
In 2001, i moved to Ib from Kano so i had not found any guy i liked so again i was alone for Feb 14.
In 2002, i had just moved to Cali and was just getting to know everyone and was again single.
Let's just say in 2003, i was still scoping the market or shall i be politically correct and say the market was still scoping me!
Yippie, in 2004 i had a beau and he spoke french which i heard was the language of love, so, for Val's day i was like yeah this is my year!!! Well my expectations were too high cuz we had only been dating for 2 months.... Well, i got a card and a rose but dang it i wanted more for my first real Val's day and that triggered a chain reaction in the relationship that ultimately led to its end.
In 2005, i was single for Val's day, and maybe i deserved it for how i handled the previous year , well, i don't think cupid's style is revenge.
In 2006, my man was not around for Val's day, darn navy for sending him on deployment, but i did get a bouquet of roses.... Well with your man gone for almost 7 months, flowers did not do the trick, i was pretty much alone again and i hated it.
This year, well you guessed it, i am single but i have no expectations for Val's day anymore.... Someone said to me yesterday, if you really care about someone, you should make them feel special all year round and it should not matter that the whole world has set one day aside to show love... i gather your gist and in my case, this year i wanna spend it on me, i am gonna have a good day of self loving.... No you freaks, i will not be pleasuring myself.
I just wanna say that it's all right to be single on Val's day... my sis thinks it's the worst thing that can happen to me. If you are not single and your expectations are not met, then look inside you, cuz maybe you are expecting validation that will never come from roses, dinner and a card or whatever else your fantasy is.
Appreciate who you have in your life ladies, if your man doesn't beat you, yell at you, cheat or put you down; if he treats you right and is all you want him to be, and you say you're in love, please treat him right, there are few good guys left and i go appreciate if i find good one when i ready to settle down. If you don't want him just as he is, then get out of the relationship and leave him unscathed.

ohmagosh...shut up!!

Y'all know i am in school right? Well, i had this teacher who was so boring he made Ryan Seacrest sound interesting, so i dropped the class... i hoped i would get a different teacher next time i took the class ...we'll as you can tell that did not work out because i'm here and now i have no choice but to take the class if i wanna graduate on schedule.
I mean he just talks and talks about himself and things he had published and yada yada .... First couple of weeks this semester i actually thought he was interesting and engaging but after the add/drop period passed, he turned boring up a notch.
I am a good student but this guy makes me wanna wring my hair out and not come to class, i just wish i could say to him ohmagosh could you please shut up !!!
I look around the class and half are on their laptops, the other half is sending text messages and in between we have people asleep, and others doing their homework from other classes and me what am i doing, well you guessed it... blogging my frustrations out!!

Trying not to scream!

Have you ever just felt like 'blah'... I know once in a while i just feel like crap and today was one of those days. I just feel like not only did i wake up on the wrong side of the bed, i think i slept on the wrong side as well. I am a college student ok, jut trying to make it through this life. My younger sister lives with me and i will tell you sometimes she gets on my last nerves. I have a certain way of doing things, and i like them done a certain way as well, so imagine my surprise when after i had told her to pay the cable bill, i get a notice that my account is delinquent. I wanna yell at her but i cannot turn my neck to face her. I cannot throw a hissy fit but you guessed it, my neck hurts. So i am gonna just threaten to tell our parents she is trying to ruin my credit.
For all my naija folks living away from the 'padres', you know how it is trying to keep yourself right and avoid worrying the parents. I mean my credit is new cos i have not live here all my life, i don't think i need silly bills like $150 cable bills to ruin what i have been building.
I know, you are asking why don't i just pay it? Huh, well i am trying to teach her to be responsible, she has a job and should be able to handle simple things like paying a cable bill especially when all the charges are things she ordered.... am i right or am i right?
I will let you know what happens but i have a feeling you and i both know that i will end up paying it again as usual.
Ugggghhhh, now i gotta go to work, ouuch my neck hurts.

My Naija trip

There is so much i wanna say but don't know where to start.... Here ok.... It's like this....
I just back from Nigeria and i had fun but my goodness was it a drag or what? Living here you get used to a way of life and they way thing should be.... First off lemme suggest that you don't go too close to christmas time cos it's plain chaos. I was in a traffic jam from Lagos to ibadan and it took me 5 hours to get home.... Good old NEPA is not a factor anymore, everyone has a generator, i mean i think NEPA is the one selling the generators to people. Oh another thing.... what is with people having a million 'handests' cellphones as they call them. Even upon landing, this one guy whipped out three cells and made calls on each one.... Forgive me if i sound silly but what is the advantage of having three cells in 9ja? I would like to know.... I will fill you in on my experiences later....